Sunday, January 30, 2011

Thursday, January 20, 2011

a wasted life.

Lately, I have been feeling convicted.
Convicted about this luxurious life that I am living. Not that being blessed is bad, by any means; I think you should fully embrace what God has given you. But what I am talking about, is being wasteful.
I don't want to waste anything, but my innate, selfish mindset causes me to take way more than I need so that I will always have enough later. But in reality, most of what I save becomes wasted and this act is a complete lack of faith that God will provide for me all the things He has promised.  But that is a whole different blog.Anyways, as of lately, I have been extremely convicted by my wastefulness.  God has given me all dominion and authority on earth and he calls me to steward it well.  He asks me to be wise with what he has given me.  He says that if I can handle what he has given me wisely, he will bless me with more.  And even along with that; he has also been showing me that it is not all about money.  I am wasteful in so many other areas of my life!  And I think much of it comes from the Western culture and how I was raised in and how so many people in America have no perception or even worry about how much they waste.  I know that I didn't.  But what I realized is that we should be aware of our wastefulness not only because children die every day of starvation, or because most of the world lives in poverty;  but because God hates waste and in his kingdom, there is no waste.  Living a wasteful life is straight up disobedience to the Lord. And so now, I feel as though I am noticing every wasteful act that I do and I am convicted.   
"Why do I live the exact same way as the world?"  
"What is the point of seeing poverty if my heart is left unchanged?"


It is sad, because I have fallen back into into being used to living a wasteful life, and I think that it has affected  my desire to change my lifestyle. But now I just keep thinking how ashamed I would be if I acted this way in another country.

Even if I have all the money, materials, or experiences in the world to show for myself, what will I have to show to God?  What will I have to offer him who has given me everything, even my very breath? I have been so wasteful with both money and time and the truth is, there is no time to waste.  I am not promised tomorrow and today is already almost gone. 
Embrace the thought that we could do more to honor God with what we have.  He is so worth it. 

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

human trafficking awareness day.

(In relation to the Red Light district in Bangkok, Thailand)
Human trafficking: moving of persons from one place to the next through force, fraud, and/or coercion for the purpose of servitude, debt payment, and forced sexual acts under coercions.
proxy husband- man who "takes on a prostitute" for an extended period of time as a forced sex slave or domestic slave. **In sex tourism these men will "rent" girls out for extended periods of time to be pseudo girlfriends during their vacation. Girls will act as tour guide, sex slave, domestic slave etc. 
Lady Boy: dresses, acts, takes on the persona of a woman.
"Ugly Girls" (A sign held in front of bars): if the ugly girls are bought and never return home, it's okay. Whatever happens to them happens to them. They are viewed as dispensable and not worth anything.

Victims: women, children, men.
Tactics: false marriage proposals; being sold by parents, neighbor, relative; kidnapped by traffickers.
Health risks: drug and alcohol addiction: introduced by traffickers.
Physical injuries: broken bones, bruises, STDs, AIDS: myths- having sex with a virgin will cure AIDS- (kids sown back up without anesthesia and sold again as virgins the next night), miscarriages, forced abortions
Psychological Harm: suicidal thoughts, suicide, PTSD, depression.
In Thailand:
  • 66% of all men that land at Bangkok airport are there for sex tourism.
  • 10% of profit from prostitution comes from Western Society. 80-90% comes from Thai men who see a prostitute on a regular basis.
  • Guys at younger and younger ages are being introduced to prostitutes; 12-13 year old boys being introduced to sex by their dads who will take them to prostitutes.
  • 1/3 of all Thai men and 40% of house wives have HIV/AIDS.
  • 86% of male prostitutes are heterosexual men being forced into prostitution by family members.

This is the reality of the broken world we live in. 
"Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city" -Christ

weird thoughts.

I'll be honest..I'm struggling.

I have had the hardest time as of lately finding balance between being here at home and focusing on the now, and still being excited about leaving and working hard fund raising. I love where I work, I am madly in love with at church, I love my friends, I love keeping up relationships, and I love the funny little ins and outs of my days. Its so weird to think that by this time next year I won't have those all at my finger tips any more.

I will be surrounded by a whole different group of people, many different languages, doing a different kind of ministry, and encountering injustices that I have never fully understood . I'm having a hard time because I'm so ready for that as well. I want  to be challenged where I haven't been challenged in a while. I want to meet the group of strangers that will become my family. I want to live out of a backpack and sleep on the ground. I want to live in the poorest and dirties parts of the world so that I can love on kids who have not felt love. I want to share the pain of the young girl who has been abused by men. I want to clean the feet of an old widow. I want to bring Christs hope to those who feel like they have no hope. I want to hug those who feel, and are often literally, forgotten. I want to bring the name of Jesus Christ to places that it is not spoken of. I want to worship, and see people worship, where His name is not worshiped. I want to see God move when I can't.

I feel so torn as to how to live...I just feel 'off' I suppose. Its hard living 'normally' when I know that normal will feel like a foreign concept in only 8 months time.

...just a thought for the day!

Friday, January 7, 2011

Thinking biblically.

What is weird?
This sums up and puts into words my feelings at this moment.